Lessons From Loss

 I was one of those people that lost everything. I was living in my home in upstate Ny on 83 acres. It was filled with antiques that I had collected over 25 years. I was a Nurse Manager 3 years from being vested in my retirement and then I had the misfortune to get really sick. I couldn't lift a chart, much less work.

 I was married to an alcoholic. I had a 13 yr old still at home and I was 6 months in bed. To keep from losing the house, I dragged myself from that bed and sold my lovely things on Ebay. I sent things to auction then retreated to my bed. I know that my son thought I was going to die and I wondered about that too but high doses of steroids kept me alive. I sold most everything I had over the next few years, including my home that I had bought before I married. It was heartbreaking to watch all of the things I Loved go one by one but it was worse to contemplate that I may not make it.

Disability was not forthcoming for several years. It is their mission to deny disability and they do it with gusto. So much so that I ended up having to live with this one or that one for 8  years. I had run out of options and was facing homelessness but  I had so many Angels help me. They gave me food. They made sure I had a pillow for my head. 

My husband bailed when I could not take care of him and he died a few years into my illness. Finally I did what I did not want too. I asked my oldest and her wife  if I could live with her family and they said yes. I thought it might be temporary but here I am 6 years later. I helped them buy a home, they gave me two beautiful rooms to live in,  disability came through and now retirement. I help them and they help me. 

Make no mistake, there are Angels among us and I am the recipient of several that have helped me live. I sometimes say that becoming ill was the best thing that happened to me. I learned so many valuable lessons. Those that I could count on and those that I couldn't. I Learned that it is not weakness to accept charity but a blessing for both. I learned that we are not an Island and we need each other. 

All those years of taking care of others made it nigh impossible for me to accept help but being ill humbled me and made it necessary for me to ask for help. The pride went out the window for necessity. Sometimes God works in Mysterious ways and we don't see that until we are out of the valley and on the mountain. 

I hope that any valley that you may be in will be over for you and that soon you will be standing on that mountain shouting " I made it" and that it will be some time before you are in that valley again. If you are in that valley, know that it will not last. Learn the lessons that you need to and let go of the rest.  

I love you all and was thinking of how many true Angels I have in my life. Those that send me a card to let me know that they are praying for me. Kidney problems are no picnic but you all make it easier for me and I wanted to thank you for that. Prayers and love for you all. Always, Kimmee

Story Of A Wooden Doll

My time on this earth began in the early 1900's. I was a tree in the forest that was chosen to become a doll. 

The men who harvested my tree and made me into chunks of wood took it to the Schilling Doll Factory in Sonneberg, Thuringia, Germany. I was given to a master craftsman and he began looking at the piece of wood to determine what kind of doll could be made. The man with weather beaten hands picked me up and said, “I can see you now. He was getting an image but the image he saw was his own beloved 5 yr. old daughter Gretchen. He started to carve my head and he made it have an open area on the top so that he could send me down the line to have my brown glass eyes inserted. I could now see my predicament and looked at the hundreds of dolls that lay in various stages of being made into a complete doll. My master craftsman was interested in me personally as his little Gretchen had wanted a doll for a long time and this one was for her. He followed his doll down the assembly line directing her to be made with care. 

She was finally ready to be taken to the area to be dressed and he thought “how would my little one want her to be dressed?” He picked out a Volendam Dutch costume for the doll with the solemn face and thought how proud his little girl would be when he placed it in her arms.

He returned home with pride and could see his little girl standing at the door waiting his arrival after a long day at work.. His daughter could see that he had something in his hand, but had been taught not to ask questions about dolls that he brought home, because her mutter sewed clothes for the dolls sometimes and she thought this might be another of those times. 

 Her Vater ate his meal and talked of his day and the making of a special doll with brown eyes to match his own sweet one. After eating the humble meal, he gave the package to his daughter and said “this one”s for you”. Gretchen almost choked on her sausage as he said this because she did not dare believe that at last she too had a doll. As she unwrapped the brown paper that wrapped the package, she did not breath. When at last the paper was removed, she saw the doll that occupied her dreams.  Her face was so like her own with big brown eyes like hers. She did not have hair so she asked her mutter to cut her long brown hair to place in the dolls head to make her a wig. Her Mutter consented and the doll looked back at her solemnly in thanks, she thought, for her hair. 

I lived with Gretchen for 5 years until one day she became sick with a terrible fever that took many of the factory workers including her dear Mutter. 

After Gretchens’ death her Vater could not bear to look at the doll, nor think about his beloved daughter's hair. That only brought painful reminders that his daughter could no longer light up his life with her smile. Her doll was forgotten in a drawer until money was needed to purchase food. Her Vater removed the brown paper wrapped doll without looking at her and took her to market. He bargained for food to feed his remaining family and did not give the doll a second look.

I was sent to a doll store and promptly placed in a window where many little children looked at me daily. It was the time of the war and a soldier came in one day to buy me to take to a place called America.. I was happy because I had been saddened by the death of Gretchen and needed someone to love me again. 

I was stuffed in a suitcase and began the long air ride to America. After what seemed a inordinately long amount of time I arrived to a little girl called Helen. She was a sweet little girl whom played with me endlessly and always asked me “Where did you come from?” and “who had you before me?” Whose hair is that on your head?. She could tell it was real hair but I did not tell her as I was saddened to leave Gretchen and I also did not need the reminder that she was gone and my life had changed.   (image borrowed from Google search)

I can’t say that Helen was unkind but she had many such dolls and I never felt the love that I felt when I was in Germany. We moved many times and I am sure that I lost my wooden leg on one of those moves to Canada. Many years passed and Helen grew up. I was relegated to a drawer once again. Then I was carefully placed in a box. 

My present owner found me one day in a box without my leg and unclothed on a shelf. She had very little money but had made a deal to trade her jewelry for ME.. I felt very special as no one had cared that much about me for a long time. When Gloria saw me in the box with the exact brown eyes that she had, it was all over for her. Gloria saw herself as a little girl, in that dolls face..The present owner told her the story of My travel and a bargain was made to trade the doll for jewelry. I was worth a lot and it took several gold bracelets and a diamond ring before the lady would trust Gloria with her aunts doll, but finally a bargain was made and I was on my way to The USA again.... 

Since that time in 1989 I have lived with Gloria. She has talked to me and loved me as Gretchen did and also kept Gretchen alive for me and others when she tells the story of how I came to live with her.

I now go to another lady named Ingrid to live. I don't blame Gloria, she is ill and must make sacrifices to move to a place called florida to live near her daughter, the Nurse. 

She tells me she has found a good home for me and I believe her. She even says I will have a new leg.. That would feel so good after all these years. 

She is also sending along my story so that Ingrid will know me and my life and so that she will never forget how one little girl in Germany that thought I was so special.  I am awaiting my trip and hope that my new owner will like me as I plan to like her. Who knows? There may be other dolls that I can visit with there and maybe even add another chapter to my story.

The End or is it.?????

Memories As A Kid of The 50s

 I had so many amazing memories as a kid. Growing up at a movie theater on Saturday night, swimming at Munson on Sunday, driving my dad's ole black chevy truck at 10, straw houses, leaving the house in the morning and roaming daddy's 130 acres. Hiding in the bobcat cave when he left it, catching crawdads by hand, drinking ice cold water from the stream, visiting the Native mounds and feeling its presence. 

But today's kids are going to remember 2025 as the year the white house was torn down, that kids didn't have food or shelter while a ballroom is being built, that boats were being blown up without due process, that if you are a person of color,  you are a target for being put in a concentration canp, that prices and inflation are ridiculous, that school carries the weight of being shot while reading, that people are so mean, that our SC is biased, and that "so called" Christians don't care if we love one another or are safe. Humanity is gone. 

My heart bleeds for the young people of today. I never had the thought I was going to be shot at school. My worst nightmare was Marvin Polk was gonna eat a worm in front of me to watch me squirm. If you know a young person, show them extra kindness right now. They're stressed and maybe afraid.  I never felt like the world was ending or that I had no control in this world of how quickly it was going there. I love y'all. Be kind to one another. 🦋🫂💙