My parents were illiterate

 "Warning Long" 

I come from illiterate parents. My Dad was born in 1912, and he made it through the 3rd grade. By that time, he was 12 and had to begin work at the sawmill. He was one of 7 children. 

My parents could sign their names, but both had difficulty reading. I often wonder if the reason Daddy told me growing up that you're smart and are going to college one day,  was because of his unrealized dreams. That thought saddens me as poor children of that day couldn't dream of school. Their dreams were shattered by long work hours and responsibilities on the farm. 

Grandpa had 120 acres of land outside Jay. This wasn't where he was born, but he had migrated from Garland Alabama to NW Fl, where he found sawmill work. He didn't read, but Grandma did because I remember she always had the Bible open when I visited her. Perhaps her German immigrant parents could read and taught her. I will never know. Her grandfather was born in 1815 in  Germany but had made his way to the US by 1845. 

His name was Michael Kraemer, which was amercanized to Creamer, and his wife's name was Mary Odom. Their son Josiah or Sy, as everyone called him, was a fiddler. My aunt told me that people would pay him to fiddle at gatherings such as weddings, and that's how he eeked out a living. 

My Dad played spoons and a harmonica, so he was from a musical family. 

My mom was born in 1924, a few years after the War, and a few years before the great depression of 29. She was one of 8 children, all of whom survived to adulthood. That was some kind of miracle because her Mom died of starvation at aged 51. My grandpa ran a little store called the Hinky Dink in Jay on Morristown Rd. When he would leave the store, he chained the door up tight lest any of the kids or grandma would " steal" food. When a meal was cooked, grandma always said, "I'm not hungry," and gave her portion to one of the kids. I cried the first time my aunt told me this because that's something that any mother who loves her children would do. 

Growing up, the only reading done in my home was from my sister Ruby. She was 12 years older than me. The Bible was her constant companion, and she read it to me a lot. She also graduated high school. The first child of Mama and Daddy and the first one to graduate high school. Her picture used to hang in the halls of Jay School, and when I got there, I purposefully looked at all those framed pictures until I found hers. I think these photos are housed at the Jay Museum now.

 I wish that I had taken a photo of her hanging in the long hallway when I was 15, but my thoughts weren't of preserving my history then. It was boys. Lol. 

I started this story wondering how my children, grandchildren, and my little great grandson are so smart. My parents were illiterate. I was the 3rd to finish high school in my family.  My brother Leeroy went back to school later in life to get a better job at the Sawmill.  I dropped out of day school in 10th grade, but I went back to night school and finished when my original class did. I did a yr and a half in 6 months. My children were the same way. It was so hard to get them through school after 10th grade because they were bored like I was. My oldest got her GED and became a nurse. She knew all her colors, ABC's, could read some and write her name at 3. My middle one graduated 4th in her class, had scholarships from everyone, but didn't pursue education. My 3rd never opened a book from 10th to 12th grade and graduated with a 4.2 GPA. 

Where did this innate ability come from when I had two illiterate parents? Some say that we are custodians of wisdom from generations past. Maybe we're born smart or not. I don't know. Maybe my dad's desire manifested itself in his children. I'm definitely not smart enough to figure out why Mozart or Einstein children just happen. 

I guess this struck me this morning as I see how illiterate we've become since my childhood. We are regressing as a nation instead of the other way around. 

My paternal people came from England and Ireland to this land for opportunity in the 1600s. They were college educated, writers, musical, and written about in many history books.  My Mom's people were from Scotland, Netherlands, and Germany. Her family had a Dr in the 1700s. Her 2nd Great Grandfather was educated and had a beautiful signature on his pension papers. When did education in my family get lost? Why are we in America pushing for illiteracy again when our forefathers worked so hard to rise above their circumstances. 

Anyway, all these questions came forward after seeing my 18 month old great grandson pick a magnet off the stove door and say "yellow." He knows his colors, takes direction well, and is so inquisitive and reasoning as only an active mind can be. Are all children born smart, or does our environment make us smart?  Why are some children born to illiterate parents smart and some that have educated parents illiterate? Did my dad telling me that I'm smart make me smart? Do parents that call their children dumb make them so? 

Ramblings of my wordy thoughts this morning. Lol. I know that many of you are educators,  so please enlighten me as to your thoughts on innate abilities versus nurtured ones. 

Thank you for reading and for your care for me. I love y'all. Always, Kimmee.

Tears Are Our Rain

 I was watching the rain come down a few minutes ago and was struck by the large water drops hitting the leaf and pushing it down with the force of the drop. It made me think of us when problems come and they have such force that they make us drop down, overwhelmed by the weight of what ever is troubling us. 

There is always strong opposition to rising and this leaf is battling, as we do when we have trials that seem to push us down and leave us weak and sad. 

But when the rain stops, the leaf is nourished by the rain and maybe has grown a mm or two just as our spirit does when we overcome our troubles. We may have cried over them, felt pushed down by them, felt overwhelmed in every way but when the trial is over, we have gained something in our spirits. We are stronger and stand taller because we have survived. 

I am much like that large leaf that you see here. I have been pushed down. I have cried enough tears to fill a pitcher and yet, I am here. Weak in body but so strong in my mind. I have walked through the valley to reach the mountain and I am so thankful for all the rain in my life because it made me strong, just as it does every one of you. 

My hope for each of us is, to not give up when we feel pressed down or have faces wet with tears. Let them nourish us as rain does this leaf and I promise you, we will all be stronger when the storm has passed.... I love you all, Kimmee

Lovely Among The Ugly

 I walked outside this morning to feel the fresh air on a Sunday and attend my church. The birds were singing like a choir and I looked for my lesson, because there is always one if you open your eyes.  

I saw this jumble of leaves, dried sticks, Spanish Moss, debris from the winter's yard, but when I looked closely I saw this beautiful lil flower perched on a blade of grass. 

It still makes my heart jump when you see something so lovely, coming out of something so ugly.

That is our challenge everyday. To find the lovely,  in the ugly. 

We have a lot of ugly in our lives  if you believe the news or the TV or what people tell you, but I am here to tell you that there are just as many or more instances of Lovely,  if we look and listen. 

The bird song this morning was lovely.  The tiny new buds on the trees letting us know that Spring has sprung and new life has started, was lovely. 

When we have new life we have everything and that is the best kind of lovely. 

Today is my favorite day. The memories of Daddy and my sisters and brothers swimming. The silence as buses are quieted, people are off work and children are sleeping in. 

I am so thankful for the lovely in my life. 

Illness is ugly. Pain is ugly, Pills are ugly.  But my family and friends are lovely. They counterbalance all that ugly with the best possible parts of Lovely and I am grateful. 

I pray that each of you find the lovely in your lives today. I love each and every one of you so much, Kimmee

My Tombstone Cousin Doc Holliday

 Jan 3, 2021

Hi, sweet friends. I've been meaning to post pictures of our day in Tombstone and am sincerely hoping that I will be able add as many pics as I took that day. 

Tombstone has a special meaning for me as Doc Holliday was my 2nd cousin 3 x removed. I have read about him and was just tickled pink to be where he stood even though he didn't have the best of reputations as a gambler, gunfighter, drinker and sometimes Dentist. His common law wife was Big Nose Kate and I took some pics of her Saloon that Doc had built. . She was a sometimes lady of the night and fiercely protective of Doc, helping him each day cause he was pretty sick from tuberculosis.  His mother had died from it when he was 15 and the records I found had him suffering at a fairly young age. 

He and Wyatt Earp were friends and Bat Masterson knew him during that day also. 

Kate and Doc had a very volatile relationship and they had one fight too many and he kicked Kate out. He ended up dying in Colorado of his illness at age 36. It was surreal being there, reading about "characters" that I had only seen in the movies. 

There were so many amazing things to see and I wish my knees would have held out for more but I was so thankful to see this cowboy town and Boothill Cemetery.

 I hope that you all enjoy seeing some of the sights of our outing a week ago and I wish you all could have been with me! It was so much fun. I'm still recovering from the Cemetery and praying I get back to where I was one day soon. 

I am praying for a return to more normalcy in our lives and for all those lost and suffering in the pandemic. It makes my suffering seem small in comparison and I am so thankful to still be here enjoying life. I love you with all my heart. Always, kimmee

Hummingbird

 A dear friend of mine shared this beautiful Hummingbird and it reminded me of another. So I hope to honor her by sharing it with all my wonderful friends . 

Kat, your wonderful Hummingbird reminded me of another. I had a beautiful purple hand blown glass one that I displayed with my dolls. She was all of 3 inches long and so elegant in the light. I had purchased her on one of the many trips that Mom( the lady that I called Mom) Wendi and I took together in the 70's. We were down near Disneyland in California and Mom spotted a glass blowing shop. They had several shows a day and my love of hand-blown glass was born. 

Aww man,  he was talented and I bought my Hummingbird that he had made. I protected her through 13 moves by keeping her in a well padded box. 

One day I was cleaning the glass front cabinet she was in and I don't know what happened but she slipped from my hand. Oh, how I cried. I still tear up now just talking about her. She was a link to Mom and our adventures. 

Then all of a sudden the lesson was clear. 

We cherish of sorts of things over the years and they enrich our lives but maybe they aren't meant to be ours forever and we have to let go. 

Letting go has never been easy for me. Abandonment as a child left me clingy, needy and things became my security.

I worked on myself in my 50's and overcame so much and this lil Hummingbird was a last remnant of that former life. It was time to acknowledge that I am different now. I'm not that needy person that kept people in my life that were mean to me. I let people go when they want to go and keep those that want to stay. I learned that I have no control over anyone else but myself and my responses. I didn't need anyone or anything anymore. I had let go and was flying free as that dear Hummingbird.  

It's a new year and I don't make resolutions anymore. I just try to be a good person everyday. A helper, compassionate for myself and others and above all else loving. 

God bless you all for walking with me. Thank you Kat for the gentle reminder on this first day of the New Year. I love you. All of you with my whole heart. Always, kimmee

The Tiny Pine

 My thankfulness today is about forgiveness.   I have had my battles with it over the years,  first with Mama and Daddy and then later in marriage.

It is amazing how many of us carry the original reason for a person needing forgiveness around with us,  in our daily lives. 

I was given this lesson a few years ago and want to share it with all of you because it is within our power,  to free ourselves....

The Tiny Pine .. Sept 09

 It was a crisp day with the sun shining just the way I like it, when I started on my early morning walk. The  long dirt driveway that I walk is just the size of one automobile  and filled on both sides overflowing,  with all types of trees and plants. The palms are just amazing. They always sway in the wind like large fans and the pines are so tall that you have to really look up to see the tip tops. 

I was walking along dodging the holes in the road, when I saw the tiniest pine tree on the side of the road. It was encased in vines and being held down to the ground. It had already turned brown on the side away from the sun, and I could see that it would not last long in that condition. 

I started pulling the vines away and it was amazing the transformation in that tiny tree. It immediately sprang up and stretched out its pine needles to the sun,  It was still bent some but it had just been given it a new chance at life. 

That hit me like a thunderbolt, that we live our lives ensconced in vines and we need to free ourselves if we are going to live fully and be nurtured by the people around us. 

When we carry anger of a person"s transgression against us around, it is like those vines pulling us away from all that we can be. It keeps us from accepting the warmth of the light to nourish and feed us. 

It took me so many years to forgive my Mama and Daddy and all of that took a toll on me and my body. When I learned to ask forgiveness for my part in any wrong doing and to give forgiveness to those even if they don't ask,  I started to heal. 

Forgiveness is not for the other person. It is for us. We don't have to pal around with the person or be best friends, but we don't have to carry them into our tomorrow either because that gives them some control over our present. 

I forgave my Mother for leaving. I was able to see it through her eyes and know that she did the best that she could. 

I forgave my Daddy for drinking and being less a man than he could have been. I was able to see his struggle to take care of his children and provide for 6 children alone.

But the big one is that I forgave myself for putting my needs before my children. I could see myself,  the child,  wanting to be loved at all costs. It was human and I was human and that was ok. 

 

My sincere wish is that all of us can rid ourselves of those clinging vines that suck the life out of us. That way we can live fully,  without beating ourselves up because we are human. 

I am so grateful that I was given this lesson of forgiveness because it freed me,  just like that tiny tree. 

I love you all so much and pray that you will be able to forgive others and yourself, just as we are forgiven,   so that your heart and mind are free.... Love and light, Kimmee

(Google images) 

Angels Unaware

 A friend of mine shared her experience with us recently about Angels.  She had a real life Angel experience and I have too. Today I am going to share how my Angel protected me against the elements. 

I used to work as a 3-11 pm Supervisor at The St Josephs Nursing Home.  The shift ended at 11 PM but I was never out on time. I needed to make sure that the night was running smoothly before I left and sometimes it was 1  AM before I left to go home. Any other time it would be about a half hour or so to get home in winter, if the roads weren't icy and or snowing hard.  

This particular night it was really cold, 10 above zero and I had made it to Heuvelton, 5 miles from home when my car started acting like the entire electrical system was going out. The lights on the dash panel kept flashing  on and off and and I thought for sure it was going to die right on the spot, but I gave it some gas and sped through the village praying that I would make it home.  I crested the hill and coasted  to my turn off on East road and the car decided to give up the ghost,  just  as I turned onto my road. 

It was 1:30 in the morning on a weeknight,  and there were no streetlamps on my road. It was pitch black , except for a tiny sliver of a moon and it was brutally cold. I knew that I could not walk the 4 miles home in my thin Nursing uniform, even though I had a coat. I would surely freeze to death and I was kicking myself for not putting a blanket in the trunk, as I had said I would.   

Hindsight is always 20/20 and  I thought this might be the last mistake I would make in this inhospitable climate.  I was really wishing I had a cell phone like my friend Janice,  but I didn't.   It would not have done me any good to try to walk the mile back into the village because when the village closed up, it closed up.  No 24 hour supermarkets, no Walmarts nor coffee shops. 

The prayer had started the minute my light panel had begun flickering and it continued for the next 10 minutes. No one came by and why would they? It was 2 o'clock in the morning and people were snug in their warm beds.  

I sat in my car for a bit, then decided that I may as well walk out to the main street and pray that someone would be driving by this  early in the morning,  but not expecting anything.  I walked out and saw the house at the top of the hill but I hated to wake anyone up. I was kind of surprised that I wasn't colder than I was and was really starting to think I could walk home.

 I walked back to my car and just as I did, I saw lights coming down my road.  I was shocked and the truck stopped when they saw me.  It was a lady and she was on her way to work that morning and she had a cell phone. I called my husband and he said he would be right there. She stayed there with me and wanted me to get inside so I could warm up, but I declined.  Something else was warming me up on the inside and I was barely cold. 

We did not know each other but she lived at the other end of our road and we had already introduced ourselves when she said,  " I don't normally go into work until 4,  but I was awake and could not sleep, so decided to go on in."  I felt a flood of warmth on my body when she said that.  I knew that it was no accident that she had come to help me.  She wanted to wait with me but I told her that my husband was only 5 minutes down the road and she left me with a thermos of coffee and went on her way.  

Before her lights were gone, I saw another car coming down the main street. This was crazy. Cars were not out at this time of night. This was an elderly man and woman and they were coming from the hospital. His wife had not felt well earlier and they had gone to the Dr and were on their way back home.  They stopped and asked , "could we take you home?" and I replied, " no, my husbands coming and he will be here any minute." They seemed reluctant to leave me also but I said to his wife that she better go on home and get to bed where it is warm. They insisted on leaving me a blanket and they went on down the road.  

I watched their lights as they drove and before their lights disappeared, I could hear my husbands Van coming.  

He arrived and we had decided to push the car off the road so no one would hit it in the dark, just in case anyone came by and then something hit me to try the car again so I did and it started, just barely.  The lights would not come on but it was running and  my husband jumped in his van and turned it around to provide light for me to see the road. I followed closely behind him and kept saying in my mind, a few more feet, a few more feet.  We passed the forest, the most beautiful part of the drive where the trees were laden with white snow, we turned the corners and the few houses and trailers came into view. Ours was the 9th house on the road but it was 4 miles in.    With each 100 feet that we drove, I just knew my car was going to die but it didn't, not until I pulled into my driveway. 

That was the longest half hour I had spent in some time and I had spent it in the elements and I was not overly cold.  

No one can tell me that God did not send that lady to work early, or that elderly couple to give me a blanket or that my husband would hear the phone or  that his hand was not in my making it home,  without lights.

I had so much to be thankful for that night and many times since.  It could have gone so differently and someone may have discovered me the next morning 5 or 6 hours later, frozen in my car, but not that night...... 

I love each of you very much and pray that when you need an Angel, one will appear... Love always, Kimmee